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Hello, my name is Dr Joe Rubino and I’m here today to speak briefly about the link between lacking self-esteem and the state of unrest in our world today.
• Conservatively, 85% of the world’s people suffer from diminished SELF-ESTEEM in one or more areas of their lives
A) Self-Esteem by definition means being competent and able to cope with life’s challenges and be happy, fulfilled, and productive
B) It means that one has the ability to influence others. That is what constitutes personal power.
C) It’s about feeling significant and accepted by others who consider us worthy of their attention and affection
D) And it’s about feeling that we are worthy of all the good things that life has to offer us because we hold ourselves as morally good and valuable.
Sadly, more than 85% of the world’s people suffer lacking self-esteem in one or more of these areas.
Most suffer from Multiple Areas where their Self-Image is Not Where it Needs To Be For Them to Lead Happy, Effective, and Productive Lives. Wherever High Self-Image is Lacking, Pain is Present and the Quality of Life is Dramatically Diminished. What’s More, Like a Cancer Growing Out of Control, This Lack of Self-Worth Will Eventually Infect the Rest of One’s Life. The Worst Part is That This is So Often Invisible To The Person With a Diminished Self-Image! Lack of Self-Esteem is a Silent Killer, Damaging Relationships, Stealing One’s Life-Energy, Thwarting Potential, and Dulling Life’s Glow.
Through my research as a life-optimization coach over the past 14 years, It Became Obvious to Me That Self-Esteem Challenges Are The #1 Cause of ‘Lost Joy,’ ‘Resignation’, ‘Chronic Upset’, And Settling For Less Than You Are Truly Worth. Most People Suffer these Despondent Feelings All Too Often. A low Self-Image Exerts the Most Damage in Life Areas Marked by High Emotional Involvement. These Include:
• Interacting With Other People
• Bringing Up Children
• Overcoming Shyness and Feelings of Timidity
• Pursuing a Career
• Working With Others in a Business Setting
• Speaking in Public
• Business Ventures
• And many More
Diminished self-esteem is the primary cause of conflicts, ineffective communication, negative emotions, broken relationships, divorce, and even war!
High SELF-ESTEEM is the Prerequisite for fulfillment, happiness, accomplishment, for developing respect and empathy for others, for taking responsibility for making our lives work. It is necessary for self-motivation, positive expectation, to effectively deal with challenges, and to expect to overcome problems. You must love yourself to be able to love others. Low Self-Esteem is often associated with criminal behavior, drug & alcohol addiction, violence, eating disorders, school drop outs, low socio-economic status, aggressive, egotistical, harmful, and defensive behavior
Most often, the damage to our Self-Esteem takes place at an early age when our psyches are young and fragile. Usually between the age of 0 and 6 years but possibly as late as 12 years of age, we buy into someone (most often a parent or authority figure) saying or doing something that has us interpret that we are somehow unworthy, not good enough, or even unlovable. We decide that there is something wrong with us and we now begin to view ourselves as flawed.
When the next stressful incident occurs, already wounded and confused, we see this subsequent happening as more proof that we truly must be somehow unworthy or unlovable. We go on to look for more and more evidence that this must be the case with each subsequent challenge. Before we know it, there’s absolutely no doubt remaining in our minds that there must be something wrong with us!
Low self-esteem starts with observation that we don’t measure up. We then judge ourselves harshly, we decide that we don’t belong…we then act from these assumptions
Early on in life, we bought into or misinterpreted what someone said or did to mean we were flawed, unworthy, unlovable. We decided we don’t measure up and we see the world from this perspective, reinforcing this judgment repeatedly. A vicious cycle reinforces our sense of worthlessness as we compare ourselves to others – and we come out feeling inadequate by comparison. As we reinforce our low self-image by scanning for ways we are defective, unlovable and don’t measure up, this mistaken notion becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy – we get what we expect.
We label our condition as unworthy, unlovable, not good enough. This causes us PAIN…resulting in 2 likely scenarios:
To try to avoid further pain, we withdraw, avoid communication, interaction, and risk. We give up on our dreams and lower our expectations to avoid being hurt or disappointed. We settle for less, justify our actions to protect us from further harm. This leads to resignation and eventual death of our spirit. We suffer loss of vitality and worsening self-opinion.
We react angrily at the world for not loving us and holding us as worthy and valuable. We might adopt an “I’ll show you” reaction where we attempt to prove our worth, often by proving we are better than and superior to others. We seek to dominate and avoid being dominated. We act from anger rather than love. And so we spread unrest, discord, hatred, pain and suffering.
Low self-esteem can penetrate all aspects of life or be confined to one or more areas where we feel inadequate. Our smallest mistakes get magnified and we think everyone thinks we’re inadequate. We judge ourselves as inferior and blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong. The harder we strive for perfection, the worse we feel. We amplify our weaknesses, judge ourselves as flawed, alienate ourselves and damage our relationships. We seek perfection, see that we are not perfect and this justifies our low self-opinion. Only we can diminish our self-esteem and only we can restore it! Freedom comes from non-attachment to others opinions.
Low self esteem has many detrimental effects that can lead to diminished peace in the world. Those who feel poorly about themselves often funnel this anger toward others. They might become cruel and seek to make others pay for their inner pain. As they hold themselves as unlovable, they strike out in anger and often seek revenge against the world who holds them as flawed. They feel powerless to attract love and get what they want by supporting others to win and prosper. So they often resort to any means at their disposal where they can control others and dominate them. This false feeling of power derived through force is most often short-lived. The more those with low self-esteem seek to manipulate others to gain more control, the more they are opposed, hated, and the worse their self-image becomes. A vicious cycle often results bringing less peace, harmony and co-operation around them.
Because they see the world as a place of scarcity, they become possessive, thinking that they must compete for limited resources. They resort to coercion, intimidation, manipulation and force to get their way. Again, such means of controlling others are typically short lived.
The actions of bullies are sourced in low self-esteem. Bullies bully to hide their weakness and inadequacy, and to divert attention away from their incompetence and feelings of worthlessness. They feel poorly about themselves and seek to take their anger out on others they can dominate. It gives them a temporary feeling of power and being superior to the ones they are dominating. But as it is based on force and lacking love, it does little to make them feel better about themselves; but, rather it reinforces their low self-opinion.
Those with low self-esteem are at the effect of their negative self-talker, whose job is to protect the person from risk and keep them safe or have them on the treadmill of forever trying to do better and become worthy. Our negative self-talker does this in 2 ways:
• By having you sell out your dreams, resign yourself to playing small and safe, avoid new situations that might prove hurtful.
• OR, he has you DRIVEN to prove him wrong about how unworthy you really are. There’s No peace in this scenario.
Let’s look at 2 Ways to deal with negative self-talk:
• 1. Manage interpretations aggressively.
• 2. Replace negative self-talk with affirmations and acknowledgments.
It is often helpful to get to the source of your feelings of unworthiness by looking at the earliest childhood event when you recall an upset, feeling unlovable, or not good enough.
Often times, early in our childhood, someone said or did something that had us make up we were not good enough, unlovable, unworthy. For many this triggered a mood of anger. Our mood is our automatic emotional response. The three most common moods are anger, sadness, and fear. – These emotional responses are the red flags that scream to warn you that you’re not seeing things clearly. Our continual misinterpretations lead to diminished self-esteem. A vicious cycle continues into the future time after time. Words or events cause you to feel poorly about yourself or you believe that the criticism of others might be true. Your self-esteem drops and you see the next episode from the eyes of one who thinks there’s something defective about him. It deepens and becomes more reinforced each time that you are not good enough.
Perhaps this made you angry or violent or maybe you resorted to anti-social behavior. Maybe you became arrogant to try to conceal your insecurity. OR maybe you became meek, a people pleaser or doormat. OR maybe you sought to dull the pain with alcohol, drugs, or some other addiction.
The WAY OUT of the Vicious Cycle is: 1. Recognize the Mood, 2. Release the Emotion. 3. Recreate a new Interpretation that’s mood-free. This will Recreate your future and Restore your self-esteem as you do it repeatedly.
So you might ask, “Why do we keep our destructive MOODS in place?
Like a heroine addict, we’re addicted to the mood. Our moods:
1. Keep us churning in the drama cycle of life.
2. They are familiar and comfortable.
3. They make us right and others wrong.
4. They allow us to feel like we’re dominating others and allow us to feel like we can avoid being dominated.
5. They make us a victim – we get to feel sorry for ourselves.
6. They allow us to attract pity and sympathy of others.
7. We use low self-esteem to explain and justify why we can’t reinvent our lives and act boldly.
Again, at least 85% of the world’s people suffer from diminished Self-Esteem. It’s no wonder why there is no peace throughout the world!
Lacking SE can be pervasive in all aspects of someone’s life or it can be situational.
Those lacking Self-esteem experience feelings like:
• Being Unworthy or Unlovable
• Having the Nagging Thought of Not Being Good Enough
• A Subtle but Uncomfortable Fear of Failure
• Procrastination Regarding those Things they know they Should Make a Priority
• Living with Lingering Guilt
• Being Overwhelmed by Sadness
• Being Plagued by Self-Doubt
• Frustration and Anger resulting in Relationship Upsets
• Lacking Joy and Fulfillment
• Feeling Shy and Uncomfortable
• Blaming Others For No Particular Reason
• Being mad at the world
• Constantly in upset and finding oneself in arguments with others
• Feeling a lack of peace in one’s life
Possessing high self-esteem and supporting others to have high self-esteem is the most important thing that we can do to increase the likelihood of peace in our world.
Those with high self esteem:
- are happy and fulfilled
- they seek mutuality with others and strive to build harmony and rich relationships
- they know that there is abundance in the world and plenty to go around
- they are confident about their ability to produce a result so they need not resort to disruptive behaviors that produce disharmony – like manipulation, repression, competition for scarce resources, dominating others in an effort to avoid being dominated
The secret to achieving high self-esteem is to complete and heal your past so as to free yourself up from nagging thoughts of being unlovable, unworthy, not good enough. This completion process will involve forgiving anyone for past hurtful behaviors AND forgiving yourself for not being perfect. Loving yourself and focusing on those things you do well, your gifts and strengths as a unique and lovable, worthy individual.
Once your energy is no longer being consumed by these nagging past hurts, you can properly assess your present state of affairs to analyze what’s working and what’s missing that would move your life forward powerfully. You can then design a vision for the future that inspires you to live boldly, with passion and free from regrets and self-doubt, confident of your worth and excited about living your life in choice with a positive expectation for happiness, fulfillment, rich relationships and success.
The work we do at The Center for Personal Reinvention supports people to:
• Uncover the Source of their Lack of Self-Esteem
• Complete their Past and Stop the Downward Spiral of Self-Sabotage
• Replace Negative Messages with New Core Beliefs that Support Happiness and Excellence
• Realize the Secret to Reclaiming Personal Power
We show people how they can be:
• Strong and Authentic
• How to Use their Vulnerability as a Source of Power
• How to Design a New Self-Image that Supports their Magnificence
We stress how to:
• Realize the Power of Forgiveness
• Discover the Secret to an Upset-Free Life
• Re-Establish the person’s Worth and Reinvent Oneself to Be their Best and Create a Vision of a Life of No Regrets
I’ve created selfesteemsystem.com to support people to elevate their self-esteem, feel good about who they are, and about their ability to create rich, fulfilling relationships that promote harmony and peaceful co-existence in the world. My vision is to impact people to elevate their self-esteem with the result of 20 million people living lives marked by high self-esteem and fueled by passion, love for themselves and others, and a commitment to making the world a better place.
I invite you to join me in my vision by sharing this possibility with everyone you know and championing them to elevate their self-image so as to spread love and harmony throughout the world.
–Dr. Joe Rubino
Download your FREE 7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem Audio and FREE Success Club Membership ($129 Value) at http://www.SelfEsteemSystem.com
On Nov. 6-8 2009 Dr. Joe Rubino will be taking part in Yoovolution – the World’s Largest Personal and Professional Development Conference with over 33 Big Name Speakers and the First One held completely Virtual in a 3D environment (how cool is that ). To learn more..
to watch video directly on youtube: Building Self Esteem with Dr. Joe Rubino