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Reflection Therapy by Pam Del Franco

I hope that this free session helps you understand that the world, for the most part, mirrors back to you, through other people, the feelings you have about yourself. The world is your oyster and you are the pearl!

If you want to use Reflection Therapy© to the fullest, please be prepared to allow yourself to first accept whatever you are feeling. As you know, acceptance is the first step to transformation. Sometimes we deny what we are feeling because we think we shouldn’t feel that way, or we’ve been told not to express “negative” feelings. Whatever you are feeling is okay. There are no good or bad emotions; it’s how you choose to act on them. If you’ve behaved in a way that leaves you experiencing discomfort, then you can choose to act differently next time.

We all have a strong desire to lie to ourselves; usually for protection. We wear masks in front of our social peers, work colleagues and even our families. We sometimes deny the possibility of being capable of certain “bad” feelings toward another person and in so doing we are not accepting that part of ourselves that needs to be brought out into the Light. These parts must be recognized and accepted in order to be a whole being (living life to the fullest).

We resonate with each other via frequencies. For example when a train goes by and the chandelier in your dining room shakes, it’s because the two have resonated on the same frequency. When you tune in to a loved one’s voice and blank out the rest of the noise around you, that’s resonating. If there’s a particular word that really bothers us we’re resonating to what that means to us. It may be a perfectly innocent word to someone else, but it strikes a chord in us (it’s resonated to us). It’s like listening to the radio, there are many stations all playing at one time but we will resonate to the one we tune into. The others still exist we just don’t hear them. Have you ever decided to buy a new car and you settle on looking for a blue sports car? Over the next few days you start to notice other people driving a blue sports car. Or you become pregnant and now it seems most of the women you meet are pregnant. That’s the resonation in you that’s bringing it forward into your conscious mind through other people. They had the blue sports car, and they were expecting a baby, you just weren’t resonating with them so you didn’t notice them. You “changed the station” and tuned into blue sports cars.

Knowing this, if you want to uncover how you feel about yourself, look around. Sometimes it feels that loving, helpful people close to you & sometimes you seem surrounded by those who choose to see the world as an angry, unsafe place. It is a choice, albeit perhaps unconscious, but what and who surrounds us, for the most part, reflects what we are feeling inside of ourselves.

Think of a person that has affected you and then see how their behavior is mirrored in you.

At the beginning this may sound harsh; you may think “but I don’t get angry and shout at people in traffic jams”. What’s likely happening is that person is resonating the base feeling of that outburst back to you. You may not be angry with the traffic jam, but the feeling of frustration that person is displaying likely resonates to a situation that is close to you. Perhaps you haven’t thought of it for a while, or you have pushed it down so as not to deal with it, but with insight you realize you are feeling frustrated. The basic rule of thumb is – if you have a highly charged emotional reaction to something or someone (negative or positive), then that reaction is resonating to a deep belief you hold. The deeper the reaction, the deeper the emotion held within you.

I am not suggesting we behave like an enlightened guru. I am suggesting that you start by looking at a small emotional issue you may be noticing with someone around you. For example, is there a co-worker with whom you have a difficult relationship? Is your partner or family member getting on your nerves?

Your emotional response is not to be judged “negative” or “positive”. For the purpose of this free session, there is no need to review the detailed content or story of the emotion, just the clarity of what the emotion is (for example frustration).

There are huge benefits to this. Negative emotions take up a lot of energy. They can drain us of energy that could be put to better use, for example following up on a lifelong dream you’ve had. You can’t be feeling positive and negative at the exact same time. One has to predominate over the other. So if you’re filling a large amount of our thoughts with negativity, there’s not much room left for other stuff.

You may begin to realize that everything and everyone around you is a reflection of how you perceive your world and therefore you can take note of how you are judging those around you. Easier said than done, but even if you begin slowly with just a few perceptions, you can then proceed at your own speed to fully realize you can affect the way the world is because it is the way you perceive it that makes it real for you.

You begin to embrace your”self” and allow others to take their own journey at their own speed. With tolerance of others, you have tolerance for yourself.

TRY THIS EXPERIENTIAL PART (Alone or with a trusted friend)

Start with your form of protection; – White Light, angels, guardian, loved one, God’s Light, whatever resonates for you and makes you feel comfortable and safe.

Think of one example of an emotional reaction you just had and jot it down. It can be a positive or negative reaction, but for now it’s easier to focus on the negative because that’s probably the one you’d like to change. Now ask yourself the following questions:

What am I feeling? Make sure you get as close to the bottom of the feeling barrel as you can. You may think you’re feeling anger when in fact once you follow that feeling through you may discover it’s a feeling of jealousy or some form of abandonment. These feelings can be brought out into the open for you to begin working with. In the meantime though, you will have realized that person was just showing you what you need to look at. You can then come to a place of gratitude to that person for showing you that idea you were resisting that was causing you pain, conscious or unconscious.

One of the laws of the Universe is that once you have recognized that emotion which needs to be dealt with, that person “changes” or “leaves”. If you think the person has changed, it means you have changed your perception and are now resonating differently. If the person leaves your life, you have no further need for that relationship as you have resolved, or at the very least recognized the emotion or judgment that you have been holding about yourself.

Depending on the depth or severity of this judgment, or depending on whether you have got the lesson, another person may or may not come along and show you the same message. This is why so many women who start off with a bad relationship, go from one bad relationship to another because they do not yet understand what it is about themselves they need to change. I’m not suggesting the type of change to please her partner. I’m speaking of the change within herself; learning her boundaries, likes, dislikes, dreams and desires for her life. So one bad relationship ends, the woman feels great and tells herself the next time it will be different because that guy was a jerk. But, unless she spends the time to learn who she is and what she wants, and why she behaves the way she does, it will be difficult to heal and she’ll likely end up with the same lesson (jerk) just in different disguise.

It helps if you can look at these people that you feel are “negative” as helpful guardians/angels not as strictly bad relationships. They have the potential to teach you a valuable lesson about how you feel about yourself.

Let me give you a personal example. Some time ago there was a woman where I worked that drove me crazy. I actually felt that I hated her, which in turn made me feel bad for being capable of that kind of hatred. I kept blaming her; calling her every name in the book, disgusted with the way she spoke, looked, worked, etc. I saw her as sneaky and conniving. Finally one day I began to realize I can’t make exceptions to my own rule of Reflection Therapy©. I can’t look at the other situations in my life and track the emotion back to me, while disregarding the resonance to her. She touched one of my deepest feelings and that’s why it took so long to face it.

I realized that I was jealous of her ability to have a well paying job with 1/3rd the work that I do. She’s manipulative, conniving and sneaky. Then I asked myself if ever I was manipulative, conniving or sneaky in the past or in the present, or could I see myself being that way in the future. Once I could admit that I could and probably have behaved that way, I was able to release the negative emotions attached to her. What I discovered was that she reflected back to me how I’d manipulated myself to stay in bad relationships. I was always conniving about how I can please the man I was with to keep him with me. In that way I could stay the victim, blaming his bad behavior for my unhappy life. Had I not had the courage to look at those emotions being shown to me by the girl at work, I would simply have attracted another man with bad behavior.

There’s always a part of you that’s trying to show you where you can grow. We all have resistance, that’s natural; I certainly did. We may start to feel like all we are is a bunch of negative emotions. That’s when its time to take stock of who around us is loving, kind, generous and realize that they too are reflecting back to us what we are holding within us!

Here’s a couple of interesting exercises you can try.

Grab a piece of paper and pen. Look at the next few words: heavy traffic; sandwich; love; touch. See if any of these words create a strong reaction in you. Just go through and choose the one you react to most. Now take that word and look at where you have that feeling. Jot it down so you can review it later. Now ask yourself…what is the scene? Who is there? What’s happening? Bring that scene to the forefront of your mind and try to label it one emotion – for example frustration. Now take a few moments to relax and look inside yourself and ask when was the last time you felt that way? What was the situation, who is there, what’s going on? Jot down those answers.

You don’t need to review them now; you can look at them later. For now I want you keep your mind on the exercise and away from analyzing. When you think you are ready, take a few moments and see what you can learn from it.

Another exercise is to think of someone that’s driving you crazy right now. It can be a loved one, a TV personality, or even a fictional character. On a sheet of paper, put a line down the middle and write the word “positive” on one side and “negative on the other”. Put 3 positive traits about this person on one side of the paper and 3 negative traits on the other (without the person’s name). Now in front of each characteristic write the words “I am…” Notice how these characteristics resonate inside of you. If you don’t think you can find that in yourself right now, remember a time when you did display that characteristic.

All you need to do here is admit to yourself that you do have that inside you and then you become free to choose to work on it or not; either way there’s no need to blame another. You have the ability to empower yourself.

Acclaimed author and medium, Pam Del Franco, invites you to discover your authentic self by demonstrating the connection between the mind, body, and soul.  Her life changing workshops will teach you how to unblock unconscious emotions through reflection therapy, interpreting the hidden messages of your dreams, utilizing meditation to reduce stress and taking you on a journey through your mind, body and soul to excavate the self you were always meant to be! You can find our more by visiting http://innernetwisdom.com and http://pamsdreaminterpretation.com

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6 Responses to “Reflection Therapy by Pam Del Franco”

  1. Leila says:

    Thanks Pam for these really interesting and useful ideas. I will be using the method of seeing characteristics in other people and finding them in myself.

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  2. I’m glad you are open to new ideas. All ideas help in some way or another (even if you dismiss them). Please remember to also see the good that you are in those people around you.
    In Love & Light,
    Pam

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  3. Geoff says:

    A great read for anyone to think about the ideas you have brought forward. It really makes you think hard and long about your story or another person’s story.

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  4. Dear Pam,

    I read this article last night, and today morning my husband told me about how he was miraculously saved by a stranger from a fatal bus accident yesterday, while he was busy on his fone, on a busier road.

    My immediate reaction was to scold him. My husband loses himself completely, he loses all awareness of his existence when he is reaching out to someone. This annoys me a great deal. He’s lost his way umpteen times before because he was lost in a phone conversation. I wanted to just shout and tell him, “see how ur carelessness almost cost u ur life! why cant u be more careful? why do u get so lost when u r reaching out to someone? why cant u keep a minimum amount of awareness in urself too? just why are u so negligent of urself?”

    all of the above rhetoric is true… just that it was all first true for myself, and then for him… and this i realised after using the method u have written about.

    Pam, I did not shout at my husband, didnt scold him, becoz I am trying to respond and not react. Having said that, i got myself some private time, and let my intense emotions out. Obviously i was angry, very angry with my husband. But deep within was the realisation of intense sadness in losing him. I could hear myself asking him why would he have to be so negligent of himself when he was helping someone? there’s no such rule! and then… after i had let the emotional energy pass, I sat down to Reflect. I saw that i was very annoyed with his lack of sense of self-care, his self-negligence. And i tried to find out when and how had i been so dangerously negligent about myself recently.

    and the answer was bang in my face… I have been married for 7 months now, and for a very long time, i got so involved in this new experience of marriage, setting up home, learning to live in a new city, adjusting with a different climate, the new role of a homemaker and wife…. that i completely forgot myself! I lost myself along the way, the individual that i was, apart from these roles… i have realised that very recently, and it has just gotten confirmed with the help of this method.

    Now the moral or the ‘scolding’ that i wanted my husband to have, also applies to me. I m seeing the seriousness of my self-negligence, I have been feeling horrifyingly empty lately, and i m now going to raise my awareness of when i m being of lesser priority to myself, and correct it.

    The method u have talked about will help me immensely in many more circumstances to come. To begin with, I think this is an excellent technique for me to stop engaging in blaming others, and instead, use such negative intense experiences to receive important insights about myself.

    thank you for being a timely help.

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  5. Deb says:

    Thank you for this great read. I love gaining new tools to become a more loving and peaceful being. I think a person has to really be ready to take such a difficult (painful) look at themselves. I am ready and grateful for your message.
    Hugs and love

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  6. Will says:

    Excellent, this is really good stuff, it fits very well with how i see life, as a mirror.
    Takes hard work to realise and accept what is being reflected.

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