The root cause of frustration, irritation, anger, sadness is an inflexible mind — one that wants to hold onto the way we wish things were, the ideas we’re comfortable with. When things don’t go this way, we are then frustrated, angry, sad.
So developing a flexible mind is a way to be open to anything, happy with change, prepared for any situation. Think about it: if there’s a major disruption in your life, it’s only a bad thing because you’re holding onto the way you wish things could be, what you’re comfortable with. If you let go of that wish, the change isn’t bad. It’s just different, and in fact it could be good if you embrace it and see the opportunity.
It’s about developing the ability to cope with change, to be flexible, to simplify.
1. Make a commitment, for one week, to let go of what you’re holding onto when you get irritated, frustrated, sad, etc.
2. Make a list of the things that trigger these emotions — being interrupted, someone cutting you off in traffic, someone being loud when you’re working, people not washing their dishes, etc.
3. Create reminders for when those triggers happen — paper notes, a bead bracelet, something written on your hand, a sign on your car’s dashboard, etc.
4. When the trigger happens, pause. Notice the emotion rising. Feel it, but don’t act. Breathe.
5. See what you’re holding onto — wishing the driver would be more polite, wishing you could do what you were doing without interruptions, wishing other people would be perfect in cleaning up after themselves. These wishes are fantasies — let them go. Be open to the way things are, to changes that have happened. Breathe, open your heart, accept.
6. Now respond appropriately, without wishing things were different, with compassion.
Repeat however many times you like during the week, or a minimum of once a day.
Please note that you will not be perfect at this when you start. It’s a difficult skill to learn, because we have emotional patterns that have built up over the years. It’s good enough to become more aware of it, and to utilize this method once a day. Be flexible in your desire to get this exactly right. Practice it when you remember for the rest of the year.
This Healthy Habit is courtesy of Leo Babauta, at zenhabits.net