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Ask Cyndi – Why Do We Resist Healing?

Hello,

First, I want to thank you for your words and help. They are always precious to me and your bit about boredom is fantastic.

My question relates to resistance to healing. I observe it in others and myself and am baffled. We have so many ways to get and feel better, so many techniques and we use them and they work! I for one have experienced the benefit of Reiki, meditation etc…yet, i always end up resorting to the same unhealthy destructive habits. I do not think it’s because these techniques don’t work, (I know they do), but because there is deep resistance to get better. I read and understand the theory and yet, although things improve, they do too slowly simply because something in me wants to stick to the destructive ways I have been using for almost 30 years of my life. I feel I have no excuse, I get on my own nerves and wonder: why am i doing this and where should I begin to change that, really, once and for good?

With love and light,

thank you,

Clementine

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Hi Clementine;

First – thank you for your kind words – they bless and strengthen me :-)

Second – I am publishing your question as much because I have some thoughts on the matter as because I am hoping that your question begins a dialog within the comment section. As much as I have some ideas – I am also playing with my own healing issues – and so I am very well aware that I do not have all the answers – at least not in a way that has me saying that I am totally healed – awakened – and living in a constant state of peace….

Ok – so here are my thoughts….

As I tune into you the first thing I want to suggest you do is look at what you are assuming to be true.  I expect that if you really take stock on where you are in the present moment you will realize that you are making tremendous progress.  Take some time to look at where you have been – instead of constantly looking at where you think you want to be.   Celebrate who you are in this moment and taking whatever is your next best step will be easy.

Clementine – I can hear you arguing in my head – the “yeah buts”  with the list of all that has to change and all the times you have fallen down and my statement remains the same.  If you are honest with yourself you will discover you are soooooooooooo much better than you think you are – and that you are doing and being so much more than you give yourself credit for.

I was speaking to a niece this weekend who was having some behavior issues with a young daughter.  She had just finished some training in what she called the 80/20 rule (there are a lot of those – aren’t there?) – where she learned that parents typically expend 80% of their energy disciplining and correcting their children – and 20% focusing on what they are doing right.   All she was asked to do was reverse it – spending 80% of her energy with her child finding the things that were done well – and then commend and praise with enthusiasm.

My niece told me it only took 3 days before their was a drastic improvement in her daughters behavior – she was eating up the positive reinforcement and going out of her way – behaving and cooperating – to receive more.

What I would like to suggest is  that – based upon the wording of your question – that you are spending 80% of your energy focused on “what’s going wrong” and that if you consider reversing that – just for a few days – consciously and with enthusiasm – that you may also see some amazing changes.

The other thing I would like you to consider is renaming the resistance.  Yes – it may have appeared deep rooted in the past – but that doesn’t mean it is deep rooted now.  Why don’t you consider looking at it as something that is easy to move through.

I have found myself pondering the same questions you are asking here many times – and they are a slippery slope if you are not careful.  In a previous post I spoke about the importance of the questions we ask – and when questions like the one you asked show up in my head I move to turn them around as soon as I catch myself….

- How Can I move through any resistance with ease and grace?

-What steps can I take to live my Highest and Best life Now?

-How can I more effectively leave the past in the past and bring all my power in the present moment?

-What can I do now to remind myself just how wonderful I really am?

I have a quote (please don’t ask me who first said it – I didn’t write that down) that I copied and taped above my computer.  It reads….

“Even if our efforts of attention seem for years to be producing no result, one day a light that is in exact proportion to them will flood the soul”

About Ask Cyndi

To learn more about me and a little bit about my motivation see…Why Ask Cyndi

The questions that I answer will be published in the ezine and an email will also be sent to the person who asked the question. I initially thought that I wouldn’t use real names in my reply – but the energy wasn’t quite right (I sit in presence with everyone I communicate with)- so unless requested otherwise I will use your first name in the response.

My plan is to publish new questions at least once a week – so check back often

Please use the comment section at the end of post to share your thoughts on the question and the response. We are a Community that is growing in Love and Light in every moment – and our combined intention for the Highest and Best can and will move mountains :-)

To submit your own question to Ask Cyndi  send an email to cyndi(at)evolutionezine.com.   In the response I will use your first name (unless requested otherwise) but your email address will remain confidential.


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12 Responses to “Ask Cyndi – Why Do We Resist Healing?”

  1. eileen says:

    People can become ‘addicted’ to the feelings they are accustomed to feeling- on a cellular level. Our cells will only attach to the molecules of emotion they have historically attached to. It is important to look at any kind of attachment, even to a state of mind, as an addiction.

    In addition, a big part of why people don’t heal is because they are punishing themselves on some level- they are not worthy of healing. Quite simply, circulation of chi is love- any place where we are stuck and not healing, we are not letting love in. The only reason we do not let love in is because somewhere we believe we are not worthy of it.

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  2. Sheyrab says:

    There is usually a reason for why we do the things we do, and looking at things differently does not necessarily change the behavior. If we call a spade a spade and accept that there is a motivation to keep doing what we have always done, then why might we do that? I suspect that firstly, there is a sense of safety and comfort in doing what is habitual. There might be some fear in doing things differently, due to confusion or lack of trust in the result, and so more knowledge, understanding and trust or faith might be required. When we identify what we are really wanting we can move through our fears and transform our behaviours. I hope this is helpful.

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  3. I am a Naturopath (12) years. I also provide services in Energy Psychology. I find and release trapped emotions from my patients by working with the sub conscious mind. The sub conscious mind is in charge of at least 90% of what happens in our lives. What I have observed is that when we are not active and paying attention, our sub conscious mind will take over and we are really on auto pilot. Meaning that our old negative spin starts up unless we are on duty with our new intentions of healing. It is just automatic unfortunately. When you identify and release the trapped emotions that hinder your happiness, healing becomes a much easier situation. Good Luck everyone.

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  4. Leila says:

    I find that it’s often when I’m overdoing my practice (whatever it is) that I find it hard to gauge my progress. When I stick to my routine with attention on feelings of what progress in that particular thing means to me right now, I feel the most in line with myself, what and why I’m doing that practice. Sometimes I forget the why and have to go away and remember it. This is such a great subject. Thanks for the great question and answer.

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  5. Clem says:

    Thanks for all the great replies there! And to Cyndi, your answer has brought much comfort, as always. Since I asked my question, I have thought about it more and observed, with hindsight, what dis-ease has actually done for me. I realized then that there have been some times when I postponed healing because in some obscure way, i felt the symptom (whatever it was) was trying to tell me something. In other words, I felt that the healing would work for a time until the symptom would reoccur with its unheard message. And I further verified that very recently with a throat chakra issue which, no matter what, was coming back. An incident over the last few days had brought a strong emotion and inflamed the symptom. I threw my usual cautions to the wind and reacted spontaneously to the situation: with anger. The symptom (a tooth abscess the size of an egg I had had for months) disappeared in 2 hours. This lead me to further insight and a realization of magnitude. I am now back on healing mode with conviction. I think all the reasons given in the above answers are true and I identify to some of them but i wanted to share another possibility: could we resist healing (for a time) because the dis-ease is useful?

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  6. Ellen Kratka says:

    I would like to agree with the posting about dis-ease being useful in the healing/evolution process and add that the thought, emotion or sensation at hand is a doorway in to what one is truly needing in that moment. Sometimes the need is simply to feel the feeling – allowing, unconditionally accepting and even honoring it as an aspect of you. Sometimes it is the shadow (negative reflection) of something you want but are afraid to acknowledge, such as approval, security or a sense of power. I have developed a process, called The Gift, to help a person identify the need or desire lodged in the unpleasant experience and fulfill it immediately. This occurs within the imagination, which is where everything happens first. I believe that doing this kind of work, which means utilizing the healing opportunity that is offered even in circumstances when things appear the bleakest, strengthens one’s trust in one’s innate wisdom, ability and “rightness”. Change can happen quite quickly when we live from that trust and pay attention to what we are feeling, seeing or hearing from moment to moment.

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  7. Sherell says:

    I “struggled” for years with alcohol addiction and wondered why it would not go away. I was a spiritual person always pursuing the “path” and in so many ways my life was a consciously lived one…but, I drank everyday, compulsively. But, all those years of wanting something different for myself become so strong that one day I woke up and knew I could go no further on my path without dealing full on with this issue. Needless to say the last year has been amazing, hard and incredibly challenging. First, I found a community of people I could get support from…as I could not at first do it alone. Community, like the one here, I have found to be invaluable for ongoing support and reminding me where I’m going and why. Second, once the pain of what I was avoiding by my drinking was experienced, all that I had garnered as desire for peace and self-love during all those years of “struggle” came flooding in. I can really testify to Cindi’s affirmation of “one day a light that is in exact proportion to them will flood the soul”. At this point I can see how my “affliction” has caused me to be more compassionate and allowing of others to be as they are and to ultimately be so grateful to just Be alive and free. That energy of love and joy floods the world.

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  8. William says:

    “Even if our efforts of attention seem for years to be producing no result, one day a light that is in exact proportion to them will flood the soul.”
    — Simone Weil

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  9. Caitlin Grace says:

    I know for myself when I have felt like nothing is getting any better in my life and collapse in to the struggle of it all I finally get the lesson. sometimes it takes being grateful for all the crap to realise exactly how much we have gained by going through it. Its Like a lightbulb finally turns on.
    Even if our efforts of attention seem for years to be producing no result, one day a light that is in exact proportion to them will flood the soul.” Such a great description!

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  10. Wendy says:

    I loved this, I find that the best way to help me change my willingness to be healed is through gratitude. I stop resisting healing when I am fully grateful for all that I have. I make lists and am grateful for simple things

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  11. Jennifer says:

    Yes I too have found gratitude to be the way forward when my journey of self healing becomes blocked or strays. It also has felt to me that my years of effort have produced little result, so it was good to read Cindi’s advice about reversing the 80/20 focus – a completely different perspective. Thank you all so much for your insightful and helpful comments. To be part of the “Community that is growing in Love and Light in every moment” is an awesome experience – “our combined intention for the Highest and Best can and will move mountains”

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  12. Patrick Koenig says:

    Thanks Cyndi for all your great caring motivation.In these times we all need to understand what is really going on with our creation. I am sure you have heard of Gerald O’Donnell, he has some mind opening interviews, and much more on his site, “ProbableFuture.com” I urge everyone that cares about our creation to check it out! Love to all!!

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